Seeking.

All right folks, so here’s the deal:

As you know Bob, I stopped doing professional domination work some time back. I’m mostly on to other things.

However. Lately I’ve been having 1. a hankering, and 2. a bit of a financial squeeze. So I’m looking to potentially start seeing some people again.

Here’s the catch: Because this is no longer my primary source of income, I’m going to be limiting my practice to people I really want to see, who want to do the things I want to do. The flip side of this is that I’ll be lowering my tribute to well below the usual market.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know a bit about who and how I am: I’m basically a smart, sensual, empathic top who likes to play with responsive people. Which is to say: I’m less interested in your stoic ability to take a hard beating than I am in hearing you gasp, moan and squeal as you take it. I like men with easy subspace triggers, but I also like a bit of a power struggle.

I like my feet worshipped well, and my boots also.
I like using floggers, singletails, canes and crops, and other hitty things.
I use rope, but I’m not a huge rope top. I’m more interested in functional bondage.
I like contact: slapping, punching, pinching, squeezing, kicking, and some smothering.
I like menacing you with knives.
I like authentic interaction, like, a whole lot.

I don’t care for piss, enemas, or anything else that potentially makes a big smelly mess.
I still don’t want to do forced feminization scenes.
However, all gender presentations are welcome, and if you want to play with gender in a respectful way, that definitely turns my crank.

There’s plenty more, of course, but it all depends on who you are and what you bring. If you have interests I didn’t mention here, please, let me know, and it’s possible I’ll be into it.

Email me directly if this is of interest to you!

A Field Guide To Creepy Dom

I know this has been pointed to from all over the place, but I myself have just stumbled across it, and feel it deserves yet another signal boost.

Please read, if you have ever had concerns about the types that The Scene can nurture, and if you’ve ever wanted to further uncouple BDSM from abuse.

A Field Guide To Creepy Dom.

KinkForAll Comes to Denver!

Maymay has asked me to pass this along – the press release for the upcoming KinkForAll in Denver, CO.  Please spread the word!

***

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Contact:

Rebecca Crane
KinkForAll Denver unorganizer
(303) 817-6530
rebeccacrane@gmail.com
http://kinkforall.org/?author=27

Community unites through peer-based sex education, teach-ins at Tivoli Student Union

Denver, CO – February 2, 2012 – A full day conference featuring teach-ins, presentations, and discussions about sexuality and its intersection with the rest of life will be hosted on February 25 at the Tivoli Student Union. Organizers cite the peer-based education format as a key method to empowering individuals, helping participants learn on their own and share their knowledge with interested neighbors. The conference, called KinkForAll Denver, is a collaboration with a growing group of sexual freedom and education advocates spanning the nation.

“What excites me most about KinkForAll is the idea that everyone has valuable skills and ideas to share. We’re all experts on our own experiences,” said conference organizer Rebecca Crane. Past KinkForAll events featured sessions led by professionals and accredited sex educators, but also by students, amateur craft-makers, and even teens. Youth explained challenges in setting up Gay-Straight Alliances at schools, and other participants discussed topics ranging fromgender identity to religion, personal coming out stories, writing about sex,sexuality and technology, and more. Many sessions are video recorded and made available online for free, helping to reform sex and relationships education with a grass-roots, citizen-driven movement. “Denver’s communities have a lot of unique knowledge to contribute to the growing national conversation about sexual freedom and relationship choice,” Crane said.

The innovative conference format gives each participant 20 minutes in which to facilitate a discussion, give a presentation, or lead a session on any topic related to sexuality. Everyone who attends is encouraged to present in whatever form they find most inspiring or comfortable. Anyone interested can learn more at http://wiki.KinkForAll.org/KinkForAll and sign up to participate at http://wiki.kinkforall.org/KinkForAllDenver.

Contact:

Rebecca Crane
KinkForAll Denver unorganizer
(303) 817-6530
rebeccacrane@gmail.com
http://kinkforall.org/?author=27

For additional information, contact:

Meitar “maymay” Moscovitz
KinkForAll founder
(323) 963-4827
bitetheappleback+kinkforall@gmail.com”
http://kinkforall.org/?author=2

An innovative conference to empower a citizen-driven reform of sexuality education, KinkForAll Denver, will be held on the Auraria Campus at the Tivoli Student Union on February 25, 2012. The event is free, open to the public, and strongly stresses education and sexual freedom over eroticization. Anyone with the desire to learn or with something to contribute is welcome and invited to participate.

About KinkForAll

KinkForAll is an ad-hoc unconference about sexuality for anyone and everyone, drawing participants from an astounding range of both sexuality-related and other communities. Anyone with the desire to learn in an open environment or with something to contribute is welcome and invited to participate. KinkForAll is a 100% free event that is open to the public.

KinkForAll is a fast-paced event with discussions, presentations, and interaction from all participants. There are no spectators, only participants. To attend, you must give a presentation or otherwise help out. KinkForAll events aim to support participants face-to-face and to create shared knowledge with lasting benefit to humanity. KinkForAll is inspired by and based upon the BarCamp community and unconference model.

http://wiki.KinkForAll.org

If you tried to email me, try me again!

Folks, my computer was stolen last week and I hadn’t done a recent enough backup.  If you tried to contact me via email in the last little while, give it another shot:

Click here to do it, baby.

Ta!

Why don’t I do forced feminization?

One of the questions Sarah asked me in my interview for Good Vibrations is why I don’t do forced fem anymore.

I gave a rather politic answer:

I find it deeply problematic that there is such a rash of men who want to be turned into women because being a woman is somehow humiliating, less-than, shameful. It’s one thing to want to experiment with gender; it’s another to do it in a way that implies that doing “girly” things makes you ridiculous, stupid, or unworthy. It bothers me, and always has. I don’t want to deny anyone their kinks, but I don’t have to participate in them.

I also note that you never hear about women being forced to be dressed up like men and then made fun of. Somehow being female or feminine has gotten linked up with being submissive, and so a lot of men think that the most submissive thing you can possibly do is put on a bra and panties and get fucked with a strap-on. I’m okay with that in some cases, but I want to do it in a loving way, not a shaming one. A man giving himself to me wholeheartedly is a beautiful thing, and I have no interest in making it ugly.

I know how powerful humiliation can be, and how many taboos there are in our culture that you can tap into if you want to make someone feel that way. Women in our culture get a lot less flack for dressing in men’s clothes than men get for dressing in women’s; thus the power of that taboo. But I personally don’t enjoy perpetuating or eroticizing that taboo. Besides, I’ve never been strongly into humiliation; I think it’s one of the more heavy-duty tools in the kink arsenal, and I reserve that kind of play for people I’m very close to.

Source: magazine.goodvibes.com (http://s.tt/131Fx)

I was looking around Bitchy’s site last night for some reason (I still refer to it a lot), and found the best explanation yet for why she thinks forced fem is completely fucked up. As usual, she has slightly stronger opinions than I have. /understatement.

But in this particular post, she really put her finger on it for me. Some commenters were apparently comparing forced fem to race play or other “edgy” play where, say, a black person enacts fantasies of being a slave, or a Jewish person enacts fantasies involving Nazis. And here’s where she nails it:

Who has the power outside the bedroom is relevant. Taking something that oppresses you in daily life and making it your sexual power source is a valid and often useful thing to do. And hot. Taking something you use to oppress other people and then making some parody of it to stroke off some ideas you have that wouldn’t it be dirty to be a slutty woman, ain’t the same thing.

I could just leave it at that and be happy, but I must add this:

And that’s not even getting started on forced fem’s prevalence in femdom enforcing shitty little ideas about femininity and submission being, like, what, fucking interchangeable, or something. Just stop. Really. If everything we do in femdom equates the ideas that femininity is what submission really is and dominance requires a cock and no emotional engagement, femdom will never stop being a joke, a sickness, a wrong, wrong thing. You can come and ask me why I don’t like gender bending if you like, but the reason I complain about this stuff is because femdom just can’t stay away from it. Like the dominant paradigm of cock wins over cunt is so seductive that we, who think we are so fucking subversive, can’t unthink that shit even as we enact the opposite.

My own opinions on gender-bending in general are quite different, of course; a post is brewing for me on what it’s like when I boy up and go to a party that way. But I definitely find Bitchy’s points on this very, very relevant.

Now go read the whole thing.

I got interviewed!

Sarah Whedon over at Good Vibes interviewed me for her shiny new column, “Screwing With Our Minds.”

Check it out – it’s pretty awesome.

Advice again, at last!

It’s a long time since I’ve answered any advice questions here, which makes the name of the blog somewhat incoherent. But I’ve had one sitting on the back burner for some time, and I figured I’d come back and answer it.

Please, any advice questions, comment, or send me email!

Some friends of mine are considering embarking on a power exchange relationship (probably more the Master/slave kind than the dom/sub kind). They have very little experience so far. Can you recommend any websites that would be good educational resources for them?

-A Nonymous

Part of the reason it took me so long to get back to you on this, A Nonymous, is because I honestly don’t know a lot of educational resources on the web for this sort of thing. The resources that tend to be available are 1) porn, and 2) erotica. Both of these, generally speaking, present a distorted view of how these kinds of relationships work, but they tend to be where people go when they’re looking for how to structure a BDSM relationship. This, for obvious reasons, is problematic.

There is a marvelous little book, entitled Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual, which details a particular way to train a slave, including real-world advice on contracts and other generalities.

The best resources I know of on the web tend to be thoughtful blogs by people who are in relationships like this; I especially love Orlando’s blog, which details his incredibly loving relationship with his partner, Murre; Little Girl’s blog is also a beautiful detailing of a relationship that has evolved over time; and I think Maymay’s blog is essential reading for anyone who is interested in kink and how it is evolving.

But the best resource of all for people just starting out in this is each other. They need to do a lot of talking: about what each of them might want, what they’re afraid of, what they currently believe their hard limits to be. About what being a slave, or a master, means to each of them; about what each of them expects from such a relationship; about how the arrangement can be changed or ended once it begins. What their responsibilities are to each other. What “punishment” means.

I hope that helps.