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Archive for August 10th, 2009

Dear Delilah,

So say you’re going along just fine in your life and you’re getting ready to pack up your house and move to a new one, when you discover a bedbug crawling on your husband’s sock. Right there on his sock, while he’s wearing it, bold as brass! You thought your bedbug infestation was over months and months ago! You guess that those aren’t mosquito bites after all! And now you have to do the whole deep-cleaning fiasco all over again, right before you move, and take extra special care not to bring the little fuckers to your new place!

What then?
Yours,
Stomp Every Little Fucker

Well, SELF, my guess is if this happened to you, that you might consider taking a little August hiatus from the advice column and everything else until you were well and truly moved. There’s an awful lot of packing to do still, not to mention that you need to wash every piece of fabric in the house in hot water and run it through the dryer for two hours. A bunch of shit needs to be thrown away, and you need to buy more of those huge contractor garbage bags and gigantic mutant Ziplocs. You might consider setting your current apartment on fire. I hear that kills bedbugs good.

Yes, if I were in that position, I might tell my readers to expect a little less from me over the next little while. On the other hand, I might come back and post some hot little tale now and then in the next few weeks just because if I don’t I’ll go crazy.

I’ll try and keep the column going, folks. But in case I can’t right now, see you in September.

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