Archive for May 6th, 2009

Apologies for missing the usual Monday advice column; I hope I can make it up to you by posting it late today. Remember – send me questions at delilah@dommedelilah.com, or comment here on the blog!

I had a question long ago that went simply like this:

I would love to hear your recommendations on the best dildos to use in a harness – double-ended or one-sided, either way.

First of all, definitely see my previous advice on getting the right harness. Much of your success in using a dildo in a harness is going to be about the harness itself.

But picking out the dildoes is the fun part, right?

The thing is, though, different dildoes are going to work differently for different people, depending on what you’re trying to achieve. What size cock do you want to have? Are you identifying with that cock as your own, or are you just using it as a toy? Are you able to come or at least get a good amount of stimulation just by wielding the strap-on, or do you need the double-ended action to keep things interesting for yourself?

I happen to be one of those lucky ladies who has enough guy in her that when I strap one on, it becomes part of my body, and I have incredible, outward-reaching, masculine-feeling orgasms when I use one on someone. Much of this has to do with how I am able to use my mind and my energy bodies during sex, I think, and little to do with physiological factors. If you’re like me, though, you might find using a double-ended dildo to be too much, or even to be distracting from the sort of masculine nature of the act.

If you’re not like me, you may or may not want to use a double-ended dildo.

As I don’t use them myself, I will pass along reviews I’ve heard from others. The favorites seem to be the Feeldoe and the Share, but how well either of these is going to work for you is largely dependent on your body shape and what kind of angle you like during penetration. Some folks I know love a dildo that you can only get custom made by Whipspider Rubberworks:

This one looks great in the sense that it has a long piece that separates the penetrating end from the penetrative end, allowing for good positioning for thrusting even when the other end is inside.

Some of these say they can be used without a harness, but I can only imagine that controlling the dildo during serious fucking would be problematic without it. If you like double-ended dildos, make sure that you get a harness whose hole goes all the way through, rather than a ring attached to a closed front panel.

For myself, I love single-ended dildos. My main criterion is that it be made of silicone (which is fully sterilizable and has a good level of hardness while still being somewhat yielding), and that it look at least somewhat realistic. That is, I’m fine with a dick-shaped dildo that’s purple with sparkly swirls, but I’m not going for the dolphins and diving Virgin Marys.

My favorite go-to dildo is Vixen’s Woody, which is a goodly size without being huge, has an upward curve, and a nicely ridged head. I also own a Mistress – not for the name, of course, but because it’s a nice slender one for folks who need a little working up. Vixen’s a great company in general, and makes toys of many shapes and sizes for any taste. (They’re not paying me to say this.)

So, the short answer? Get something in silicone, that you can sterilize. Make sure the insertable end is the right size for your partner, and if you’re getting a double, make sure the end that’s inside you is a good shape and angle, and at the right distance from the thrusting end for you to be able to thrust well. Because, I mean, yikes:

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