Archive for March 13th, 2009

Talk to her

Today I had an appointment all set up ready to go, but when I sent the directions to my playspace, the client said, “Wait a minute…I saw a domme there a few years ago. Was that you?”

A strange moment for sure. If he didn’t return to see me again back then, it’s likely that if the answer is “yes,” he won’t want to see me now. But sorting my inbox by “from” tells me that yes, in fact, I saw him back in ’05. I was just getting started as a domme then, and it turns out that my guess was correct: he didn’t think we were a match, as the previous session hadn’t gone the way he’d hoped, and he wound up canceling.

I was sad to lose a session, but the incident wound up opening a dialogue, not only about how I’ve grown and changed as a domme since then, but also about how potential clients express their interests and desires to me.

He told me back then that his fantasy was “forced domination,” and that he loved being told what to do. In the session I put him through positions drills, then bound him and applied some electrotorture. He’d wanted a more “sensual” session, and was disappointed.

This time, he told me about wanting things to be sensual, expressed himself more thoroughly (though still rather taciturnly and generally), and I had completely different plans: I’d dress more softly, order him to strip, comment on his body in humiliating ways. Make him wear panties. Probably tie and tease him, spank him a little, maybe let him suck a strap-on if I was getting really into it. Talking in my low voice all the time, finding those words that make him blush and wince.

At this point in the game, I can read people well, but I’m still not a mind-reader, particularly if you are shy and holding back the things that really matter to you. How am I going to know how important, say, face-slapping is to you if you don’t tell me? Unless it’s specifically mentioned, it happens to be something I use sparingly because of the baggage that a lot of people have around it. If you tell me that you want to be ordered around, well okay: am I your drill sergeant, your nurse, or your dominating girlfriend?

My hope is that this conversation will open up the possibility of this client and I being able to session together again, more successfully. I know more, now. But you have to tell me what you know, too.

Talk to me, people. I’ll listen. I can’t be anyone and everyone you want me to be, but I do have range.

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