Don’t throw out the bullwhip with the bathwater

I recently did something I should have done ages ago, which is turn on Google alerts and make it tell me whenever certain key words or phrases are mentioned in the news. Doing this for “BDSM” has garnered some interesting results, not the least of which is a continuation of the trend that Bitchy has [...]

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Tuesday Advice, back at last! Now with more choking!

It’s been a while, as I haven’t had a backlog of questions. (You people are obviously just too well-adjusted. Or you think my advice stinks. Or something. Anyway!) I have a new question this week that’s fairly simple, but may send me off on a tear about the topic anyway. So here goes. My partner [...]

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Tuesday Advice: The Simplicity Edition

Sometimes I get the tough questions. Sometimes I get the easy ones. I’ll be grateful and consider today a vacation in honor of Thanksgiving week. Dear Delilah, Not sure if you’ve answered this or not but someone asked me the other day what kind of kinky things he can do with his gf without leaving [...]

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Monday Advice – Know Thyself

Dear Delilah, I had an ex girlfriend in a quad relationship that we parted ways with because while she identified as submissive, you could not get her to reveal any of her desires. She didn’t know what they were. Tied down, being rubbed with fur and pricked with a Wartenberg wheel, flushed with pleasure, and [...]

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Yes, you heard right – it’s Monday Advice!

Today’s questioner brings up the very valid question of what happens when we start getting all meta on ourselves – or as I like to think of it, human. I’m a switch, so I enjoy both domming and subbing. I’m also a scatterbrain and an overthinker, which means it’s hard for me to stay in [...]

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Dorothy, we’re not in Guantanamo anymore…

It has not escaped my notice that I have a hot spot for interrogation scenes. Okay, maybe a wet spot would be more accurate. But there’s a mystery to it for me. While I admit to enjoying the rush of power that comes from hurting someone until they break, the place I more often imagine [...]

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Two days later – really? Also, more safeword contingencies.

Went to a marvelous party the other night. Friends abounding, getting naked and fucking with abandon or doing deliciously evil things to one another in an atmosphere akin to Burning Man parties I’ve been to in the past. There’s nothing quite like watching someone get spanked under a shiny-mylar-fringed tent-thing amid color-changing LEDs. I was [...]

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And once again, Dan Savage FTW

One of my astute readers pointed out, in response to my post yesterday about SexinChrist.com, that Dan Savage ran a contest just a couple of months ago to find a meaning for the word ‘saddlebacking.’ His purpose was to protest Rick Warren’s (pastor of Saddleback Church) inclusion in Obama’s inauguration; the man is apparently a [...]

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As promised: Safewords 201 – Some common misconceptions

My basic informational post about safewords is here. There are a few notions about safewords, however, that I’ve come across and would like to take a moment to dispel. Myth #1: Safewords are only for players who don’t know each other well. While it’s true that in part, the use of safewords is for the [...]

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Safewords 101

Seeing as my most recent advice column mentioned safewords in both answers, I figured it was time for me to do my philosophizing about safewords – mostly for future reference. Some of you may be familiar with Jay Wiseman; his SM 101 is a great book for those starting out in BDSM, and his near-paranoia [...]

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