“My boyfriend’s wife and I sat there with our laptops”.

I appreciate your input, and I’ve had friends lose pregnancies as well and know very well how horrific it can be.

I hope I made it clear that I too feel the issues of the questioner’s pain in this circumstance are secondary. At the same time, I think that if they have been together for four years and have discussed making a family together in the past, three months is enough time to wait before gently bringing it up. I’m also thinking it’s likely that it could come up before then, depending on the people involved.

That said, if in three months the questioner finds that the couple are still deep in their own turmoil, a longer wait might be necessitated. And yes, right now the thing for her to do is support them.

I might edit the post to reflect your comment; it’s probably true that “curiosity and concern” isn’t enough of an explanation for what I mean here – which is exactly what you’re talking about.

The emotional impact of that loss for the prospective parents was HUGE. There was relationship strain too.

I also wouldn’t be too quick to judge, less than two months sounds like the bad news might have come before they had a chance to properly share the “good news”?

But I’d certainly prioritize caring for them and their grief first and foremost. IMO the issue, if they were trying to become pregnant, and how that would impact circumstances, is secondary at this time.

I’m not saying it’s not a priority, just perhaps not until they’ve gotten through all the stages of grief, especially the guilt, anger and depression?