I’ve been behind on my current events, in particular reading the sex blogs I generally frequent, since my move. But I’m starting to catch up, so let the outrage begin.
Exactly one month ago, Maymay posted about a This Week in Kink podcast in which the following statement appeared:
I firmly and strongly believe that it is a woman’s role to be submissive to a man. I believe that submission in men is taught at conception because as soon as women realize that they’re pregnant, they start planning that child’s fucking future and quite often that the mother is definitely the beginning of the emasculation. That said, I think that women in the past couple of hundred years have gotten entirely too high on their own power and eventually need to be slapped in the fucking head and put in their place.
I’ve been sitting on this for a while because it’s hard for me to think of much else to say besides “Wow. Just fucking wow. Like, seriously?”
Being blinded by rage makes rational argument difficult. Must be the estrogen.
What troubles me most is not that someone said something like this; there will always be assholes and idiots who espouse this kind of garbage, whether it is about women, African-Americans, queers, or submissive men. But it disturbs me greatly that in the BDSM world, where we’re meant to be playing with power, subverting some traditional norms and amplifying others to erotic effect, there are people who still truly believe this kind of outright nonsense. Even worse, that someone with such opinions is such a strong voice in the community.
I love some male tops very much, and as I’ve made quite clear on this blog, I’m a switch. (And this kind of shit is one of the reasons why switches are some of my favorite people to play with.) But I’m disgusted by the tendency in a certain type of male dom to believe that they are simply bringing back the good old days by making women subservient the way God intended. Aren’t we supposed to be progressive? Isn’t the point of alternative sexuality to explore, well, alternatives??
And get a load of the comments over there. Don’t get my started on the whole “I have a right to my opinion and you have the right to yours” crap. Free speech is free speech, and this fuckwad has the right to say whatever he likes, just as I do. But to hide behind free speech, to say that you will “fight to the death” next to me to defend my right to have an opinion, too, when in the same breath you’re saying that I’m a second-class human being, is completely disingenuous. It wasn’t so long ago that women didn’t have the right to an opinion – whether in matters of state or in the home. You can’t have it both ways, asshole.
Does this homunculus mongoloid even understand what he is saying? “That’s cute that you have opinions – here, let me help you have them, even though they’re so clearly wrong – you’ll need me to help enforce your rights, since you’re less than human.” What fun.
It burns my ass, too, that this guy started Fetlife. I was just starting to enjoy myself over there a little bit.
EDIT: It actually wasn’t John, who runs the podcast, who made the comments, it was Rob, who is a DJ on some adult radio thing called The Oh Team. (From the page, I gather that he has “twelve years’ experience as a full-time Master.” Ooooohh, my panties are moist.)
Much more of this, and I’ll be as bitter and angry as people seem to think darling Maymay is. Nice job, kink community.
Huh. Guess I still can’t say much more than “what the fuck.”
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Well, god damn.
Just last night I was having a couple of conversations in which we discussed how all the neanderthal idiots seem to be coming out of the woodwork, lately. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.
Sure, he has a right to hold that opinion. He also has an obligation to be aware of and take responsibility for the effects of how he expresses that opinion.
And, in only tangentially related maters, I’m UncleDark on FetLife. Stop over and say Hi if you can still bring yourself to log on.
Rob from The Oh Team made (and defended) those comments, not John from FetLife. I agree with your assesment of the comments, but you’ve got the attribution wrong. I can’t tell one person from another often in podcasts, but your link above to another blog says it’s Rob, and it’s definitely Rob, not John, who’s making the comments on the TWIK page.
Appreciate it – I’ll make the edit. The impression I got from everyone saying they were going to quit Fetlife was that Rob was from there.
Ah. I see where my confusion lies:
Maymay says:
“the example of Rob in Episode 2 of the This Week In Kink podcast (produced by, surprisingly, the same people who run FetLife.com)”
I can see now that he meant that the podcast was run by the same people who do Fetlife, not the Rob is one of the people who runs Fetlife, but you can see my confusion.
May also notes that “the entire episode was marked by shocking sexism and unimaginable gender insensitivity the likes of which I haven’t been exposed to in some time.” While I have not listened to the whole episode myself, I wonder what John’s comments were in this whole debacle, and may go suffer through it just to find out.
[...] 1, 2009 by Delilah Wood Turns out I was wrong about the assholery perpetrated over at the This Week In Kink podcast being the fault of the Fetlife producers: apparently Rob, who made the comments in question, is [...]
This is a great writeup. Thanks, Delilah. In particular, this statement you made resonates strongly with me:
If you’re so inclined, I’d be grateful to hear your opinions on the latest episode of This Week In Kink, episode 8, in which I appear as a guest and share some of my own opinions.
Also, on a tangentially related note, I wonder if you’d be interested in speaking with me on the Kink On Tap netcast, which I’m recording live every Sunday evening and hosting weekly with Heliotrope from FollowsTheSun.com. Would you be interested in being on Kink On Tap?
Hi there!
I’ll take a listen when I get a chance – I’m traveling right now, until Tuesday, but I’ll make sure to catch it.
But I’d love to be on your podcast. I love the way you think, and would be honored to contribute to what you’re working on. I’ll take a listen to the back episodes so I have a sense of what to expect.
Cool beans! Be aware that episodes 1 through 7 are old, like, from 2007. Only episodes 8 and 9, and moving forward, will give you an accurate idea of what I’m after today.
But yeah, let me know what you think!
Finally got around to downloading the podcasts (and now there are more new ones; yay!) and I’ll give a listen. What would being on the podcast involve (i.e., how would it be done)?
I’ll email you.
Thanks Heathen for sticking up for me… it is greatly appreciated.
Like Heathen said, I got into a fight with the person who did make that statement.
I have and will always believe in equality and choice. And will always fight for women’s rights.
Hi, John,
Thanks so much for poking your head in – and I apologize for attacking you in that fashion due to a simple misreading of May’s blog.
I hope to continue to engage with you and others who care about this sort of thing in future.
@JohnBaku:
And what’s more important is that you have. Some of the technical decisions that made FetLife what it is today show that, although as you’ve said, there’s always room for improvement. I just wished you showed that more forcefully on the TWIKS podcast episode, since it really didn’t come through strongly to me at all, and I was listening pretty closely.
[...] one of the followup posts over Rob’s sexist remarks, Delilah expressed my sentiments very well, if strongly worded: I’m disgusted by the tendency in a certain type of male dom to believe [...]
[...] This picture pretty much sums up the “take it, bitch!” attitude that is so prevalent among the sexual hoi-polloi — and indeed, even among those who really should know better. [...]
I guess you could start by finding contact info on the Train Rek Radio (http://www.trainrekradio.com/) or The Oh Team show (http://www.trainrekradio.com/category/shows/the-oh-team/) websites, and ask them.